Bein' Real

This last week has been hard!  When I was pregnant with Maddox I never felt this anxiety that I have developed in the last week.  It's not anxiety about the birth or anything like that... I am just getting so uncomfortable and am constantly wondering about Maddox and how he is going to handle everything.  I find myself wanting to take a break from him and have some "me" time, but then I feel guilty about that!  I have never obsessed about our house being super-duper clean and have not worried about having "everything" done until now.  Every night when I go to bed, I am worried about having to call someone in the middle of the night and ask them to come over to sit with Maddox until my family can get here.  I am also worried that I will be out in public when I go into labor and if this time is anything like last, that would be miserable. 

I am a fairly patient person, but this last little stretch is killing me for some reason.  I think already having a child at home has a lot to do with it.  I am not as much worried about myself, but I just want Maddox to be taken care of.  And I know that he will.  We have made great friends here that I would be totally comfortable calling and that I know would treat him as their own.  I think I am just nervous about how it all is going to happen.  Being induced is not something I am super excited about, but I feel like it is the best decision for us given all of our circumstances. 

I go back for my last appointment Thursday and I can't wait to hear what the doctor has to say.  I am ready for family to be here to make me feel more comfortable with everything.  Basically I think I am just ready.  I have things to look forward to each day until she arrives, but it is still hard not knowing when that will be.  I never wanted to be an impatient, complaining, pregnant person, but I feel like that's how I have been in the last week or so. 

So... I am determined now to try and have a good attitude about everything and to remember that I am not in control.  Our sweet little blessing will come when she comes, and there's nothing I can do to change that.  Hopefully I will have more to report soon... :)